"Doctor Bawb's Day Off" is not "Coming soon" if I can help it. But pace "Ferris Bueller" anyway.

Chronicle of a Shrink's journey from youthful
know-it-allness to old-fart astonishment.

Those are not my three kids, 20, 17 and 17. My Day Off was no Made-in-Tinseltown "warm-hearted comedy." Yesterday's "Dr. Bawb's Day Off" was devoted to seeing that one of my twins WAS NOT busted to spend Who-Knows-How-Long? lost in the catacombs of a vast Bechtel Corporation-built L.A./ California Department of Corrections Juvenile Justice System. Gee, thanks Bush 41, Bill "Three Strikes" Clinton and Guvs Gray Davis and Arnold Schwarznegger and all you conviction-happy DAs!

My kid, 17, is no "angel." He's also no crack-dealing Menace II Society. Here Dr. Bawb speaks of the Slam. See, my kid coulda been put away by a LAPD, Sheriff's Deputy, Officer-of the Court and/or snitch whose life includes but is not limited to: lousy marriage, alimony, horrible boss; hangover; Final Notice and/or General Principles. All I did was what a responsible father does: Said "There's a Warrant out. Let's go see your DCS Caseworker before you get picked up!" We went. He's TEMPORARILY with me, but then that's where he always wanted to be. He's scared, a tad wackier than a lotta 17-year olds but recognizably my kid.

MWTC, my Twice-Born bride of 38-years, would do the same. She and Doctor Bawb rarely disagreed on any science topic. Her Alzheimer's kicked in nine years ago, around the time Twice-Born Bush 43 banned U.S. stem-cell research. Wouldn't have helped MWTC but tell that to my kids. "What we have here," as Paul Newman's straw-boss nemesis in "Cool Hand Luke" said, "is a failure to communicate." My kid didn't get this way overnight.

It's a long, Byzantine story Doctor Bawb sooner would skip but must eventually tell. Not all at once since the appearance of whining drove me outta Bev Hills Shrinkery long ago. Involved are the LA County Children's Protective Services, Big Pharma, the Insurance Industry and a highly dubious "Trifecta" diagnosis of ADHD for all three of my kids, Cedars-Sinai's MC's psychiatric outpatient service and MWTC's terror of being found a medically negligant parent as the "supporting cast."

Relax. Doctor Bawb has no desire ever to see a Courtroom again other than on HDTV. Happy Ocars.

Like I said, eventually